losing someone you love???

well on wednesday this week..my friend lost her father....the same week i received news that my mom probably has cancer..its like a big yellow school bus just hit you..all my plans for this semester break seems like a blur...i feel no happpiness coming through me like i do when every semester break comes in view...i dont know what to feel..sad??...angry??..i remember clearly the day my late grandmother passed away in april 2004..i was still in form 4.....among my cousins and relative i was the only one who didnt cry..i feel numb and empty..like no emotions coming through...i was afraid that the sight of me not crying will draw the wrong conclusions form my family and relative..its just i cant cry..i cant comprehend the situation..or maybe...its because i am not close to my late grandmother..but looking back i realize that i miss her very much..hahahaa...yeah..everytime raya comes around...i miss the smell of kuih lapis baking in the oven..the aroma is just tantalizing....especially when ur fasting..miss her looking busy preparing for raya day...hahaha..well what past is past i guess..we just gotta move along..like the song from all american reject..right back at what is wrong we move along..all i can give my late grandmother is my prayers ..rest in peace nenek..may allah bless you...and al-fatihah to En.Sabidin...semoga allah meletakkan dia dikalangan org yg beriman..